some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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