I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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