I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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