Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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