it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
