dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
