um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
