She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
