No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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