also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
