He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
