Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm at about main and main street
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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