i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
