Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
