I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
