Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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