I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
last night I used snow as a chaser
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
