i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
soo... how was my night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
