I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
