Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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