i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
