She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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