He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
