You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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