JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
