I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
