I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
