I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
