is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
