well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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