great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
