Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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