I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
