His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
