i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
