I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
