Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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