Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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