it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
