I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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