Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
