Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
