She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
