Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
