mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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