he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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