OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
