Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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