I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
