My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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