I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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