weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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