DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
