That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
