the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
