i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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