I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
