My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
