Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
