this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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