I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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