id be glad to
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
