Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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