So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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