Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
