ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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