Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So much rum. So many feels.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
