Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
