Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
