smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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