Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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