I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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