I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
