i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
