I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
