You can't special order awesome
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
