I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
